Grammar - It's my thing...

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct. It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors. If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs. As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human. And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

The It's Its There Their They're Quiz

A Friday Funny

I find this particularly funny because Gram went out and bought herself an elliptical machine. It arrived and Grandpa spent a whole day putting it together. The next day, I asked Gram if she had used it yet.
"No... I need to read the instruction manual."
"Oh... ummm... okay." (I thought you just got on and walked.)
The next day I asked the same question.
"Yes... I walked for 5 minutes, but the 10 minutes of stretching before hand almost killed me!"
"That's great! Are you going to do 6 minutes tomorrow?"
"I'll see how I feel."
Needless to say, Gram has been doing pretty well with her elliptical machine...

She sent me this little gem this morning:

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

____________ _________ _________ __
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit- ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

____________ _________ _________ __
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

____________ _________ _________ _
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

____________ _________ _________
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
____________ _________ _________ _
FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

____________ _________ _________ __
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

____________ _________ _________ __
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

A letter to W

Dearest W,

I was going to try to let you do your own thing and hope you got your stuff together, but you lied to me - about a lot of things.

So - now, all bets are off.

When you called me and told me you had gotten out of rehab. I was surprised, but glad. This meant that you were free from the codeine.
When you told me that you had also abused alcohol. I was blown away.
Then when you told me that you met someone new... I wasn't surprised... this is what normally happens in therapy. I read... a lot. I see it all the time in books and articles. This is the reason the therapists don't want you to make any life changes for a year... I want you to be happy, but I can't let you throw your life away without telling you how I feel and what I think.

You have two beautiful girls who deserve a happy healthy family. Your addiction has changed that. Now, all we can do, is hope that they aren't scarred for life. They have seen you at your lowest. I'm sure you never wanted that to happen.

You have a husband - B. Remember him?
He loved you enough to do it all when you couldn't.
He loved you enough to move to the midwest. He left his family - the family that raised him when his parents died. The family that loves him. He left them behind to be with you -

Because he loves you...
Wake up! Smell the coffee!!!

He loved you enough to do an intervention.
He loved you enough to put you in a treatment program.
He loved you enough to throw all of his and your savings into your treatment - to try to help you.
He loved you enough to go to therapy to learn how things are with addicts.

He thought he had you back when he saw you part way through your treatment. He fell in love with you all over again. And he thought you and he were still okay. And things were okay -- you were talking about date nights and getting back to being a family... Until you met some nut. This nut who calls you all the time.. who NEEDS you. You are his new addiction and he is yours. Get over it.

B loved you enough to let you go to FL to the roomie you met in therapy - unfortunately you betrayed his trust and went to see the nut. NOT smart.

He loved you enough to let you go on vacation without him - and then you asked him to plan the route - and he did.

You are selfish. Life isn't all about you.
This man deserves more.

He is heartbroken and you did this to him.

Your therapist told you NOT to make ANY life changes for at least one year.
Did you listen?
No.
B loved you enough to go to mediation - to appease you, but you threw it in his face and filed for divorce that very day.
How selfish can you be?
This isn't fair to to B. It certainly isn't fair to the girls.
They deserve a real family. Take a step back, and figure it out.

Now, I haven't mentioned your mom and dad. They are worried about you. They love you more than you will ever know. They are frantic. But you don't seem to give a care.
This is not the W I know and love.

You need to get your rear back into therapy.
You are not cured.
You are on a slippery slope.
How do I know this?
You lied to me.

So - I've said my peace.
If you never speak to me again because of it, just know that I love you.
I'll be here... whenever you are ready.

xo
LBC

They Survived

The first day of school was relatively uneventful for both of my children. LLB took the bus both ways - let me tell you that we will NOT be doing THAT again any time soon. They arrived home at 4:25. I can go, pick her up at 3:25 (she's always the last one out!), hit the library for a couple of books, and be home at 3:50.

She hopped into the car and immediately said, "I had a great day!"
Then she started chattering on and on about her teachers, her classes, her lack of homework, what she needed for today, and how there was a new trumpet in her band. I asked if he was good. She isn't sure, but we'll find out today. She practiced last night... a lot.... just to be sure that she and only she will be seated in the coveted first chair.

#1 hopped into the car, took a deep breath and told me about his day. He told me that he is the only person in his section to have the music memorized, how he loved his Spanish teacher, was excited about his business class, and that his math teacher hadn't been there that day but they had had a test anyway. (Insert record scratch here. - Wait, stop... rewind.) He took a quick breath and continued on with the cold hard facts - he had AP History homework, that it was hard, and that it wasn't due until next Tuesday. Then he started asking me questions about the Vikings... I don't know squat about the Vikings, but fortunately for me, Mr. knows all things history.

So - it was a good day all around.

Me? What did I do? I went to lunch with the girls, did the laundry, cleaned my kitchen, and watched a little Dr. Phil... it was a great day.

Responsibility Project

I was contacted by Mom Central and asked to take a look at The Responsibility Project.

Liberty Mutual - my insurance company - has an advertising campaign going about responsibility and doing the right thing. I'm sure you've seen the ads... they are terrific. The response to the ad campaign was so good that Liberty decided to create this new web site - The Responsibility Project.

I love the site! It makes you think. It makes you talk.

They have short films that you can watch and then talk about with your children, your spouse, or your best friend. The films cover everything from making friends and being a good friend, to stopping thieves. This is terrific dinner conversation!! It's interesting what the kids really think.

There is also a blog link on the site. The blog is filled with different true stories about people and how they acted in different situations. We sat around and discussed some of these vignettes with our kids. The kids can often see both sides of the issue and are often far more forgiving than some of the commenters.

I think my favorite part of the whole site is the "What's Your Policy" page. You click on a word that completes the sentence: What is your idea of a responsible _____? You can choose from a long list of words from chef to friend to employee. From there you are brought to a list of definitions - you can even add your own. It is fun and thought provoking!!

This is exactly what I have come to expect as a long time customer of Liberty Mutual Insurance Company. I have both auto and home insurance. I have had Liberty Mutual insurance since I learned how to drive at the age of 16. Their insurance professionals behind the desk, on the phone, and on the internet are responsible, professional, and courteous.

Integrity - that's what Liberty Mutual has. That's pretty unusual for a company these days.

Ahhh... my favorite day of the year...

It is the first day of school!

#1 went out at 6:25am...
Yes, my friends, that high school bus sure is early... I think he looked pretty darned cute walking out the door this morning. It really is unfortunate that I have such poor photography skills, cause his hair looked pretty good, too! He walked out confident, schedule memorized, and ready for his sophomore year. Eeeek! In just a couple of years he'll be a senior.

My LLB - geeze... who taught me how to take a picture? Another headless wonder.
LLB went out at the more rational hour of 7:45am. She looks so sweet in her outfit. She was all dolled up - complete with new make up and perfume courtesy of Gram. LLB is at the top of the food chain at the middle school this year. She better enjoy it, because next year... she's back to being a teeny tiny minnow in a great big sea of high schoolers!

What a week!

Yes it is finally Friday!

LLB is done working.
It was a hard week for her.
She does not do children who do not behave or who behave badly. That kind of stuff makes her crazy.

She got in trouble for snapping at a child who was picking at her sibling during a game. LLB had asked her nicely to stop more than once. Just so you know, we do NOT allow the children to pick at each other - EVER! It is a huge no no around here. LLB had reached her max of this child berating her sister and told her to "knock it off!".

We told LLB that we didn't care that she got in trouble, that we believe she did the right thing.

The next day, LLB went back with her head held high. She knew she was being scrutinized and watched. She held her tongue. She waited for the teacher to correct these nasty children. They were having cupcakes for snack. LLB told me when I dropped her off that she just knew that some little kid was going to smash another little kid's cupcake in their face. Sure enough... it happened. The sweet little girl whose cupcake got smooshed in her face cried. LLB consoled her. The little brat - he had to sit in time out. (Sorry, but I would have sent him home. But, I'm mean like that.)

Yesterday was the graduation ceremony. I arrived after it was over to help clean up and get LLB. The teacher was upset because some of the siblings of these little brats were screaming and crying and running amok during her ceremony and the parents did nothing. (The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, obviously.) Another parent told her that she'd have to make an announcement at the beginning of the next graduation that if younger siblings act up, the parents will have to take them out. I stood there with my mouth agape. LLB said what I was thinking, "Mrs. C... they should know better. They should NOT have to be told. They obviously need to come to Cotillion and be educated." That's my girl! I hugged her hard!!

While we were cleaning up, some children were running around like banshees. It seems their parents couldn't make it to the ceremony and were late picking them up. The teacher snapped at them. Then she looked right at LLB, hugged her and said, "See I do get to that point too!" I grinned and said, "LLB just gets there sooner than you."

So, LLB earned her $100.
I think she'd be willing to go back next year... then again... maybe not.

Today is the teacher luncheon at LLB's middle school. We are having pizza delivered, Gram's tortellini salad, Gram's cucumber salad, (Yes, I helped her make those. Okay... so I licked the spoons. That's helping isn't it?) mixed green salad, water, fruit with optional whipped cream topping, lemonade, and cream puffs. We went relatively healthy this year. If they don't like it, they can go eat pb&j somewhere else.