Yesterday after I had coffee with the ladies, I went tubing at Home Depot.
Mr. Bug sent me to get big black corrugated pipes to take the impending hurricane rains away from our house and down to our creek - or anyplace else that doesn't involve our crawlspace.
I get to HD and look for one of those large flat orange carts. It's Monday. The parking lot is a ghost town but, there are no carts. I shrug it off and grab a regular shopping cart. I find a guy in an orange apron who directs me to the tubes. They are outside where it is 90 degrees in the shade. The tubes are in a bin thingy in the sun. Of course they are.
They are 10 feet long. I need 8.
I think I can bend them and stuff them into the cart.
I am mistaken. They don't bend that far... I tried, but I ended up flinging tube half way down the aisle as it ejected itself from my cart.
I get the tubes out of the bin one at a time and load them onto my cart. Tubes are round. They roll.
They roll off the cart.
I look like an idiot! The tubes are rolling all over the place!
It's like a scene from the 3 stooges, except I'm the only stooge there.
At that moment, every customer that was at HD that day is walking down my aisle. They all look at me like I'm nuts. I smile. Okay, so maybe I snarled...
I am now hot and sweaty...
I find some twine and tie 4 tubes together. I only need 4 more.
I get 3 out - they start to roll off the cart, too... great! I find another piece of twine and tie those 3 together.
The last tube is way at the back of this bin thing. I crawl into the bin to retrieve it. I am now hot, sweaty, and filthy.
I grab the tube and toss it on top of my two bundles.
The whole pile leaps off the cart and onto the floor.
Go ahead - laugh... it's okay... it is funny now...
I load it all back onto the cart and begin to push it towards the cashier.
The tubes are dragging. They aren't quiet.
By now, I don't much care. I get to the cashier and let go of the pile so I can retrieve my credit card.
Yup... they all slide off AGAIN!
The cashier says, "oh, sorry about that."
What's she sorry for? She didn't do anything but look at the tubes. Does she help me load them back onto the cart?
The man in line behind me wanted to help, but didn't know what to do. He was almost dancing trying to figure out how to help me.
I told him I was fine, really.
I left the cart at the curb to get my small CRV.
I put the seat down so I could stuff the tubes in.
By the time I was finished, my car looked like I had stuffed a giant octopus from the black lagoon in it.
Thank heaven I didn't get stopped on the way home. There is no way I could have convinced a cop - or anyone for that matter - that I could see out my rear window...
When I got home, I opened the rear door. My CRV puked black tubing all over my driveway...
Next time I go tubing, Mr. Bug is coming with me!