Saturday, January 31, 2009


I got this in an email from Gram who got it from a friend.
I just had to share!! :-)

An ad on Craigslist...
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Savannah )

I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that
you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife
on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's
purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message.
I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my
pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for
a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP
pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster
for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating
weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to
wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in
your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up
leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have
you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us
again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as
you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation.
I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to
one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all
of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be
on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut
down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now,
so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't
permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some
threatening phone calls to the DA's office with it.
Oh well.

So, about your pants; I know that I was a little rough on you when
you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it
up to you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like
to help you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you
used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or
powder? I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead
making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll
reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be
so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we'll do lunch
and laundry.

Peace! - Alex

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