Boys Primp

Did you know that? I didn't know that. My boy is not a primper. He doesn't spend an inordinate amount of time in front of the mirror. Okay, so he doesn't comb his hair either...

Anyway, Mr. and I chaperoned the 8th grade Beach party on Friday evening. We were assigned to bathroom monitoring. When we first got this job, we weren't totally thrilled, but it turned out to be the place that got the best breeze - I'll get to that in a sec.

There is this woman, who I'll call Martha Stewart -- Martha for short. She planned and organized this party with a couple other women. Our assignment on Thursday evening was to help set up the hall.

Martha arrived with lighted palms, a 3 foot tall shark dressed in a hawaiian shirt that held munchies, a gazillion grass skirts, an umbrella, a pile of beach towels, and enough strings of xmas lights to light up New York. She put us to work.

Martha has a motto: Presentation.. Presentation.. Presentation. We were to make sure that we lived by that motto while we were there. Two of my friends and I were told to string lights on the umbrella - she started us out slow so she could see how good we were. Now, I am a professional level Christmas tree light stringer - I used to put 1800 lights on my tree every year all by myself.... I know how to string lights!! Martha scared me - she rocked me to my light stringing core. What if I wasn't good enough?? It took the 3 of us to string one umbrella with lights... When we were finished, we called her over and held our collective breaths... She approved. We were not to be sent home for crappy decorating skills. From lights we were moved to different tasks. We decorated our butts off until Martha deemed us done. And when we were done, the place looked like a luau paradise... She's good... she's very very good!!

We arrived at the hall on Friday with #1. I gave him some brief rules:
1. The banner across the far end of the room was to be protected. Do not let anyone tear it. We need it for the picnic on Wednesday.
2. No being wild and keep your friends in check.
3. Have fun and dance!
4. If you need anything - we'll be hanging out by the bathrooms.

The kids arrived and were duly impressed by Martha's decorating. The DJ was late, but when you are only paying the guy $100... you really can't be picky. While we waited for a boombox to arrive, the kids milled around and chatted... and picked their leis apart. We had green leaf leis for the boys and flowers for the girls. The girls kept theirs around their necks... the boys' ended up strewn across the floor. That gave Mr. an excuse to check on the dark corners of the room... He found a push broom and swept up every half hour or so...

The more kids arrived, the hotter it got. The air conditioner was NOT working. It was 95 in the shade with 90% humidity that day. The air was cooling down, but really... the AC is what we were counting on... Eventually, we had no choice... we opened the doors -- something we really didn't want to do because the possibility of escapees got huge. The other possibility of party crashers was also greater. (Not much happens around here, so if there is something going on at the local hall, the older kids get wind of it and try to crash.) But, we are tough... we got rid of the few that showed up.

My favorite party crasher story is this one:
This kid and his friend drive up and park. The check in guy is outside and sees them. They walk up to the check in table and try to tell the guy that they are middle schoolers. Do they think that we don't know that 8th graders don't drive yet? Morons!!

Then there was this story...
This red - candy apple red - truck with two guys in it drives around the building about 6 times. Do they think we don't see this flaming red truck with snazzy wheels going around and around? Do they think we are stupid AND blind??? This kid gets out and says he wants to talk to his sister Amber. One of the moms asks, "What's her last name?" "Ummm she's my sister." "What's her last name?" "Her name is Amber." "What.is.her.last.name?" "Never mind." And he gets in his truck and drives off. MORON!!

Okay, so now you want some bathroom stories...
We've got a few.

Girls go to the bathroom in flocks of 5 to 25. Note: there is zero air conditioning in the bathroom. It is a sauna. Add 25 girls and you get.... an oven. They didn't stay in there very long. They did their business, washed their hands, checked their hair, and left. Trust me... I know these things. Eventually they stopped going in there because it was just too hot.

Boys go to the bathroom in 2s and 3s. Who knew?? Their bathroom was just as hot and miserable as the girls' room. You'd think they would want to get out of there asap... Boys primp. They go in there to primp. One gaggle of guys went in and must have been in there for a solid 2 min. Mr. went in to find out what mischief they were up to... They were primping. They were combing their hair over and over.... they were washing their faces... Good Lord!! Who.knew???

Some boys wore enough clothes that they could change their outfits. I had no idea that boys did this sort of thing. They would go in empty handed wearing jeans and a hawaiian shirt and come out in shorts and a t-shirt carrying a pile of clothing. What are these kids? Magicians?? Then, they'd get sick of that outfit and swap to another one. It was odd.

The girls gave up on their bathroom umm... I mean sauna long before the night was over. The boys.. they primped all night. Don't they know that heat and humidity really do a number on the hair??