Poppy Meets Rambo

I have this kitten named Poppy. She's cute. She's fun. She's a pain in the butt!

Mr. and I have a large bedroom. It's almost too big for us, but... we'll deal. (Someday when we get rid of the 1980's wall paper and the 20 year old beige carpet, I'll take a picture so you can see what I'm talking about.) We have a wing chair in the corner on my side of the room. It's an old wing chair, but it has good bones. It is in pretty good shape for being purchased in 1989 on our way home from our honeymoon.

I like the chair.
Poppy has issues with the chair.
Every morning - when she feels we should be up and moving -- around 4am -- she claws the chair. I don't know if the chair becomes a mean and nasty object that must be killed at that hour of the morning or if she just needs to do her nails. Either way... she's got issues.

I have a squirt bottle on my nightstand which I usually grab and squirt in the general direction of the clawing sounds. Notice, I have not opened my eyes. I should put a plant there, it would actually get watered!! Sometimes I hit her. Sometimes I miss. But, when she tries to sneak by, (I've pretty much pried one eye open by then) I get her good. This has been going on for months.

This morning, she started with the clawing. It's a really annoying clicking pulling sound that grates on my nerves. I became a raving lunatic. (It might be sleep deprivation or it might be that I'm just totally nuts!) I leaped out of bed with my squirt bottle drawn. Just call me Rambo or The Terminator. I squirted around every corner of the chair. I squirted under the chair. With each squirt, and there were many, I said something like, "Don't you claw my chair, you nasty thing! Don't you get it? NO CLAWS! How can you be so thick?! Stop clawing my chair!" I saw her try to make a run for it and I blasted her!

She hasn't been back... I'm sure she's still drying herself off somewhere. That could take a while.

Today I'm installing a night vision scope on my squirt bottle. I'll be ready for her.